Only Just Pretending
by samirant
Summary: Finn and Rachel come to an understanding.


**Only Just Pretending**

All right, so he may not be the first to admit it, but even Finn will tell you that he's not the brightest of the bunch. It'd be kind to call his grades sub-par, two different tutors from the guidance office have literally thrown their hands in the air over him and even his devoted mother will say his best feature is his 'great big heart'.

Lame.

So it takes him a while to see where this is going, never mind the dim lighting, empty auditorium and the girl gazing at him with complete adoration in her eyes.

He did notice that part, actually. The Rachel part. But that's because that's what Rachel usually looks like when he's around. Don't get him wrong, Finn's not a terribly vain guy; it's just that Rachel's not exactly smooth when it comes to the crush she's harboring on him. During rehearsal breaks? There's the look. Passing in the hallway? Yep. Science class? He has to twist his seat a little to avoid it.

It's only when they're actually singing, investing themselves in a song that she shelves the whole thing, throws herself into the lyrics and matching emotions. And that's when Finn finally admires her a little in return. In a total not guy-girl way, though.

But they aren't practicing right now, so there it is. Again. Politely turning his head, Finn glances around the auditorium. "Are you sure Mr. Schue said six?"

"That's what my email said. But you know Mr. Schuester, always a little tardy."

"Really?" He hadn't noticed.

"Yeah." Rachel does a flourish with her hand. She's always doing fancy little things as if she's sure someone's watching. Finn thinks she's takes that old saying 'Life's a stage' very seriously. "I mean, we may have to wait a full hour for him to show up."

His watch tells him that may be another fifty minutes and while he'd much rather be… anywhere, Finn hunkers down on the edge of the stage. For a moment he tries looking at the room before him like Rachel probably does, the seats full of people, all of them staring with complete attention. It almost makes him break out into a cold sweat.

Rachel climbs down next to him, swinging her legs out in front. She's put barely a foot between them despite the long stretch of stage available. Finn would move over to his left a little, but even he knows it'd be pretty obvious and rude.

"I went to the football game last Friday. It was very good. You did quite well."

Surprised, Finn looks back at her. "Wow, thanks."

"It's too bad we didn't win, though. I was particularly disappointed when your forward pass in the third quarter was intercepted."

"Yeah… that sucked."

"Still, you gathered a lot of rushing yards. Despite the loss, I think you did a great deal to boost your own value on the team." Rachel takes a deep breath. "Your friend Puckerson, however, really should watch himself, what with two different penalties for being offsides?"

Looking sideways at her, Finn slowly says, "You sure know a lot about football." Quinn's on the track for every game and he's never heard her once refer to an offside penalty. She'd probably think he was talking about something being crooked.

A blush forms high on Rachel's cheeks, but her voice is normal when she says, "Oh, you know, it's not exactly a hobby…"

When Finn just keeps looking at her, she heaves a big sigh and says, "Okay, so I thought I might learn a little more about it recently. You do take a lot of your practice time and give it to glee, so I thought it would be nice if the rest of us learned a little about it. Kurt was just as interested."

"Kurt went to the game?" Amused now, Finn thinks of Kurt taking the furthest seat possible from the team. He probably escaped before the clock ran out just in case.

"So did Arty and Tina and Mercedes."

"That's cool." It's touching, but he's not about to say how it's kind of sweet, the idea of them together in the stands, cheering for him even if he didn't know it at the time. "Let me know if you all go again, I'll try looking for you when I'm on the bench."

Rachel practically beams in response. When it keeps on going, Finn clears his throat and looks a this watch again. Forty-five minutes.

He's okay with the silence, but Rachel obviously isn't. "Mr. Schuester is taking his time, isn't he? As long as we're waiting, I'm sure I can think of something to keep us busy. Let's see… have you practiced for your interviews yet?"

Interviews? "Excuse me?"

"They're to be expected, of course, with our performances getting scheduled. I'm sure we'll have to speak with at least local paper, if not the news channel." She's very brisk in saying this and Finn's not sure if he wants to believe her or not. "I've found that having prepared answers in advance does a great deal in calming my nerves."

Chuckling, Finn says, "I can't imagine you getting nervous."

"I get nervous."

Her voice gets smaller when she says it and he doesn't see why, but Finn feels a little embarrassed for her. He pretends to not notice for her sake. "Okay, so what kind of questions do you ask yourself?"

"All right, well." She adjusts herself to face him. Her knee grazes his and he shifts back just a tiny bit, in a way he hopes is totally natural. Rachel adopts an even straighter posture and lowers her voice a bit. "Mr. Finn Hudson, what brought you into the world of music?"

Uh, his car radio? Emerald Dreams? Instead he says, "I've always liked… music."

She stares at him, waiting for more. When it becomes clear that Finn's not sure what else to say, Rachel scoffs. "You'll need to elaborate a great deal more than that, Finn. Can you imagine a front page article praising our latest performance, adulating a duo we've shared and your only quote, your only reflection on the entire experience is 'I like music'? For goodness sake."

"Well, I do," Finn mutters. But Rachel just repeats her original question. He thinks for a few moments before saying, "I'd tell them that singing was always something that I did for myself, not even thinking about it. I mean, I could tell I held a tune pretty well, but it wasn't until I was on this stage that I figured out it might be something I'm actually good at. That it could mean something. How's that?"

"Passable." Still in character, Rachel asks, "So what exactly got you on this stage?"

Finn knows the Chronic Lady story is something he'll never let get into print, so he uses the story about Mr. Schuester asking the football team for help. He adds in the lie he told Puck about needing extra credit for Spanish class; Finn figures he may as well stay consistent if he's not going to tell how it really happened.

Rachel asks some more generic questions, about his mom, football and school. He's slowly relaxing, getting into the rhythm of question and answer when she busts out, "Has your very busy schedule taken toll? Say, in your relationships?"

He may not be the smarter of the two of them, but Finn knows exactly what she's getting at. And even though Quinn regularly asks - actually, demands - for him to quit, and has started what she calls a 'make out ban' until he does, Finn's not about to let Rachel in on that. "Not that I've seen."

For a second he considers adding on that he's gotten a lot of support from his friends but then remembers this is Rachel he's talking to, not a stranger, and she'd know the lie on the spot. Besides, he's not imagining the disappointment on her expression and he wants to move off the subject as quickly as possible. "How about you? What got you into the world of music?"

She blinks a couple of times in surprise before answering his parroted question. He can tell Rachel's rehearsed her answer, about her dads wanting her to try her best, lessons from when was practically in diapers and music constantly playing at her house, so much that she dreams in lyrics.

"That could be the title."

"What could?" Rachel looks a little startled to be broken out of her speech.

Finn spreads his hands in front of him like a banner. "Dreaming in Lyrics. The title of the article, you know? I like it."

A slow smile spreads across her face. "Yeah, me, too."

The question pops into his head and he's asking before he's thought it through. "What if you hadn't been any good at it?"

"At what?"

"You know, singing."

"But I am," Rachel replies with a tone of 'Hello?'.

"But what if you weren't?"

She's getting a little frustrated and Finn nearly laughs at her. "I… don't understand what you're getting at."

"What if after all those lessons and support, you were a great dancer and all, but you couldn't carry a tune in a bucket?" He honestly wants to know now. She hasn't practiced this answer, and he likes that he's caught her off guard. "What then?"

"Well, they would still love me, if that's what you're getting at."

Finn groans. "That's not what I mean. I'm asking, what would you do? Would you still perform in another way or would you try for something different?"

"What, like football?"

They both laugh now. It echoes in the empty auditorium, reminding Finn of their wait. Trailing off, he sees that Rachel's edged in slightly closer and she's stopping laughing, but she's looking at him that way again. But even worse, it's somehow _more._

Sighing, Finn finally asks, "Rachel, where's Mr. Schuester?"

There's just enough guilt on her face now to answer him. Finn sighs again and uses his hands to push himself up. "Let me guess, there was no email."

He expects for her to look away when she admits it, but Rachel keeps eye contact, lets him see her embarrassment when she says, "No, there wasn't."

Finn could just leave now and be done with it, save them both anymore awkwardness, let her see how pissed he is, or at least let her think it. But he's really not that angry. Annoyed, yes, but it's harder to be angry when she's staring up at him, a sad frown forming on her face. Finally, "Rachel, what in the world did you expect to happen here?"

"Something like this, actually," she replies, breaking the look between them and focusing instead on the empty seats. "I hoped for something different, but I'm realistic enough that I knew there was a greater chance of exactly this scenario."

Keeping space between them, Finn kneels a little. She looks too small sitting in front of him; somehow, it makes him feel worse for finally saying what he's had to say for a long time now. "I'm sorry, Rachel, but nothing's going to happen between us. You've got to understand that."

Quietly, she asks, "Why won't it?"

"Because… just because."

It bothers him that he can't figure out how to say it exactly and maybe she catches onto that. Maybe what he's just said doesn't make a difference to what she's probably already rehearsed a dozen times. "We would be good together. There's no way we could do a duet so well if we didn't connect on some level. And Quinn Fabray? It's not exactly a secret what she's been asking for you to do and what she's doing in order to convince you."

Okay, now he's pissed. Not so much as Rachel as the fact that what's going on is general information. Still, he says, "Quinn is not the problem here."

"It's a classic love story, you know." Rachel pushes back her hair and glances at him. "The accomplished hero and stunning and restrained lady in waiting. They have their obstacles, people trying to keep them apart, but it always works out. It always comes around."

"Rachel, we might be on a stage, but this isn't Broadway, we're not in a play and we're not going by a script. You can't _do _things like this and expect them to come out like they do in your head." Finn stands up again, his blood pumping like he's getting geared up for a game. "It's flattering, it really is, but I'm not the accomplished hero and I'm not a knight in shining armor. I'm not anything but a dumb high school kid trying to figure the best place I can be while dealing with a whole lot of crap at the same time. And this is just not helping, okay?"

His voice carries out over the room and he hears "Okay, okay, okay…" come back at him before Rachel says a word. When she does, she surprises him completely.

"I might think a lot of things of you, but I would never call you dumb."

Eyebrows raised, Finn asks, "What?"

"I know you think of yourself that way, but I wish you wouldn't," Rachel explains. "You really aren't."

"Rachel, half of my classes are the remedial form and I have trouble passing even those. I don't have any fancy ideas about how smart I am." See? He can be realistic, too.

"I believe that's more a matter of motivation and focus, not a reflection of your intelligence," Rachel says hotly. "When you use both in glee, you pick up lyrics and harmonies almost as quickly as I do, and that's fast. You have also made many insightful suggestions for choreography and read everyone else's strengths so well that not one time has anyone complained when you offer instructions."

For several moments, Finn is too stunned to say anything back. Not because of any of those things is true - though for the life of him, he can't figure out a response to deny any of it - but because Rachel really means it. He can tell she means every word and not just so she can get what she wants out of him.

"You actually think I'm smart?"

"Well, you came back to us, didn't you?"

She's still jazzed up. They both are. It's the first time Finn's ever felt any sort of tension between them. The good kind, you know? The thought is immediately followed with something like 'Uh-oh', but Finn is still too shocked to do anything about it.

Rachel's linked her fingers together in her lap, though, and now she's staring at them instead. When Finn doesn't say anything else, she tell him, "I am sorry for this… disastrous attempt. I only thought if I actually said something, maybe things could be different. Better."

Before he says anything back, Finn moves forward and sits down again on the edge. There's still plenty of space between them and he hopes she notices it. He hopes she realizes that he means it when he says, "Rachel, I don't even think it's me that you want."

At her questioning look, Finn says, "It's like you have this idea that getting famous, having your name out there," he shrugs a little, "or even dating the guy everyone knows is going to get you respect. I think I just happen to fit in there somewhere. Like I'm convenient."

"Finn-"

"And you've got a lot going for you without all that stuff. You're probably the best singer in this school and really smart, like scary IQ smart, way more than anybody else I know around here. And if my experiences since joining the club have taught me anything, it's that sometimes people's respect shouldn't even be bothered with. It's just not worth it."

Shaking her head, Rachel says, "See? Smart."

"Nah, just… aware." The smile they share is kinder now. Clarifying might be the best word for it. He knows a few of the big ones.

"Just so you know," Rachel says at last, "I don't think you're convenient at all."

Finn figures that he'll have to take that, accept the flattery and be done with it. Because Rachel's still looking at him, but he feels a little more human on the receiving end of it now. It's hard to say why, but he's felt the peace settle in between them.

It's enough that though he'd been ready to leave moments before, Finn instead leans back on his hands and looks back out at the seats. Rachel's watching him with growing curiosity, probably wondering why he hasn't escaped while the coast is clear, but he finally just says, "You never answered my question."

Very slowly, confusion obvious, Rachel asks, "Which one with that be?"

"The one about what you would do if you couldn't sing."

"Ahh," Rachel kind of squints and shakes her head again. She's flustered and it's a pretty funny sight. "I have no idea, but it doesn't really matter does it? I am what I am."

"Well, you know," Finn replies with a thoughtful frown. "That's what I used to think."

"And now?"

Finn tries imagining a full crowd again. It's a little less scary, interestingly enough. "Now it's nice to think about all the possibilities."

"Oh." Rachel sits on that thought for a little while. A long while, actually. Enough that Finn starts humming their newest song assignment under his breath. For a moment, he thinks Rachel's right, he does have some ideas and he's pretty certain they'll work. It's pretty cool to realize.

When she speaks again, Rachel only asks, "Finn, are we friends?"

He hums a little more before smiling and saying, "I don't know, it's possible."

When Rachel throws back her head and laughs, Finn knows that maybe it's already true.

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading! A review would be quite fabulous.


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